Many leaders operate with an orphan mentality

Many leaders operate with an orphan mentality, and it’s impossible to lead well from that place.

Because when a leader carries an orphan mindset, it will negatively impact the organization and its people.

We live in a world that teaches us to measure people by their achievements and titles. But what we often forget is the story behind their success, and the wounds they may carry.

Many people, including leaders, were raised without a father. That deeply shapes a person’s identity and confidence.

Others have grown up in homes marked by abuse, neglect, or broken marriages. Some have experienced molestation or trauma that robbed them of their voice and sense of self.

And how does the world tell us to deal with pain?:

- Outperform it.

- Achieve.

- Let success speak louder than your wounds.

But here’s the danger.

That mindset often leads to promoting leaders who carry an orphan mentality, but no healing.

What are the characteristics of an orphan mentality in leadership?

Scarcity Mindset: Believes there aren’t enough resources or opportunities, so they compete instead of collaborate, and hoard knowledge or power.

Low Self-Worth: Constantly driven to prove themselves. Measures value by titles, status, and recognition.

Trust Issues: Keeps people at a distance. Over-controls to avoid vulnerability or being exposed.

Fear of Rejection: Avoids feedback. Often misreads neutral input as personal criticism.

Performance-Driven: Feels only valuable when achieving. Views others as tools to meet goals. Sees rest or delegation as weakness. Fears that if they don’t achieve, they won’t be needed or valuable.

Control Issues: Needs to be in charge to feel secure. Limits others from growing, especially if they show more talent, out of fear of being outshined.

Hyper-Independence: Avoids asking for help. Believes “I’ll just do it myself.” Avoids collaboration or mentorship, because vulnerability feels dangerous.

It all comes back to trust.

Someone with an orphan mindset is conditioned to believe they can only trust themselves. They must provide for themselves, protect themselves, and carry everything alone to avoid disappointment. But if you're a leader, you must confront and heal this mindset.

Because when boardroom decisions are driven by fear, scarcity, ego, and status, the culture becomes toxic, and people suffer.

True leadership doesn't come from the desire to elevate yourself.

It comes from a deep desire to serve others.

We must shift from fear-based to love-based leadership.

To lead from identity, not insecurity.

To build cultures of trust, safety, and collaboration.

When healthy leadership is missing, it shows up like this:

Lack of psychological safety: People shut down emotionally. They may still be working, but mentally, they’ve checked out. Gossip spreads. Morale drops.

High turnover: People feel distrusted, micromanaged, or undervalued, so they leave.

Low innovation: Risk-taking disappears. A special “innovation team” won’t fix this.

Innovation begins when the whole team feels ownership, freedom, and trust to create.

Emotional disconnection: People don’t feel they belong. Work becomes transactional.

Burnout culture: Leaders and teams are constantly overextended, and no one says anything.

No succession planning: Orphan-minded leaders fear being replaced, so they don’t develop others.

To lead is to see a vision that’s not yet visible, and translate it clearly to those building alongside you, until the work is complete.

But if you’re leading to gain approval, you’ll face constant frustration when praise doesn’t come.

And if you’re trying to control everything, you’ll eventually become the bottleneck. You must lay down hyper-independence, for your sake and your team’s.

If you want to finish what you’ve started and protect your team from burning out, you need to stop carrying it alone.

Carry it together.

If we want to change our economic realities and business culture, we need healed leaders who know who they are, who lead with compassion and who have the boldness to bring the unseen into reality.

It takes leaders who’ve done the inner work behind closed doors, who don’t just carry a title, but carry character.

Because leadership is not a position.

It’s who you are.